Blue Ivy’s Hair is Not Your Concern, & Black People Hate Their Own Hair Apparently

So unless you have been under a rock, you know that OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) premiered Bill Duke’s documentary “Dark Girls”. Social media circuits was inundated with comments about the film. The piece argues that there is a proclivity towards lighter skin tones, which are perceived as more attractive and desirable. I feel as though the same bias exists in the black community in terms of hair texture.

Even though everyone and their momma is going natural, take a step back and look. How many images of kinky hair versus curly hair do you see in the mainstream media? How many times have you heard a woman say” My hair is too nappy to go natural” or “She got that good hair, she can go natural”. “Good” is to hair as “light” is to skin even in our current culture.

Let’s get into the episode of the Steve Harvey Show that has gone viral about the topic of natural hair vs. weave.

Man Who Hates Wife’s Natural Hair:

Talk show host Steve Harvey nailed his advice to a newlywed black couple who recently appeared on his show for the segment “I Love My Man, But …”  The wife, whose name is Love, recently decided to change her hair from the long, straight weave she’d worn “since I had my first tooth” to a well-coiffed Afro puff. Her husband, McClea, hated it. How much did he hate it? He ran out of the house in horror at the sight of his wife’s actual hair, and when he returned, he asked whether she was wearing a wig and, if so, would she take it off. Love has stopped wearing her natural hair “often” because her husband “prefers” her weaves.

Not surprisingly, the husband’s reaction didn’t go over well with Harvey or viewers of the video that’s been making the rounds on social media. Harvey clowned the husband about as bad as actor Samuel L. Jackson did to an entertainment reporter who mistook him for Laurence Fishburne. After the husband repeatedly disparaged his wife’s hair—much to the audience’s chagrin—Harvey quipped to him, “You about to get your skull opened up.” Then Harvey got serious, pointing out the obvious to McClea: “You can’t be any more wrong with your approach … You got to find another way to express yourself.” And the kicker: “It ain’t your damn head.”

It was hilarious and honest.

Rejecting his wife to the point that she takes the “blame” and feels at “fault” for being born with hair that looks more like her husband’s texture than the Brazilian weaves she used to wear is a huge problem, and it’s unacceptable. I cringed hearing the husband talk about his wife’s hair in such a horrible way and knowing that the wife’s acceptance of her natural hair was made that much harder by her husband’s reaction. That is not OK. I would have loved his reaction to her natural hair if it had been, “I love it because I love you,” or even if he’d offered an indifferent, “Just do you.” Maybe because when I decided to go natural, my husband was fully supportive of me, and loved me with  my natural hair. Sometimes, I do wear extensions as a protective style, and he likes that as well. I don’t have to fight with him, or be made to feel inferior because my natural hair isn’t 22” Brazilian straight hair.

Still, I’m inclined to cut him just a smidgen of slack, which most viewers of the video don’t. There’s a reason Love continuously covered her hair with weaves for as long as she could remember, including during the nine years she dated her husband. Even now that she’s had natural hair for “two to three years,” she confessed that she’s still “uncomfortable” with it.

That’s not surprising. We often talk about the way black women are bombarded with “ideal” images of what’s attractive and how black faces and traits aren’t represented. There’s a lot of conversation about how black women internalize those images and what a process it can be for some to accept themselves. We don’t often speak of how those ideas affect black men and their perceptions of black women’s beauty. We should talk about the issue, if for no other reason than the many black men who, like McClea, believe the hype.

His reaction was wrong, but he and other black men need time to overcome the same negative images about black beauty that black women have been dealing with forever.

Women who have worn weaves and used relaxers for as long as they can remember and have decided to go natural sometimes are jarred the first time they see their own real, usually fuzzy, hair. It’s new and unique, and yes they look different—not necessarily bad or good, just not as they looked before. That difference is noticeable to other people looking at them, including their boyfriends and husbands.

Just as it takes some time for the woman to adjust to a new look, it may, evidently, take some time for a partner to adjust as well. McClea said it was “shocking” when his wife removed her weave. That’s a normal reaction. McClea, and men like him, shouldn’t be thrown under the bus for it. They, too, should be allotted the patience we offer women going through the process.

Moving on….

I have been trying to avoid this like the “plague”, but I noticed a prevailing set of negative comments on photos of Blue Ivy Carter via social media…

“Fix that baby’s hair.”

“Why would Beyonce let her daughter’s hair look like THAT?”

“Why is her hair not combed?”

When Did Blue Ivy Carter’s Hair become YOUR Business?

First of all, who is to say that her hair is not combed? When I comb my hair in the morning, it may not be laying any particular way by noon.

Second of all, I don’t comb my hair every day-you know why?…. I have a gang of hair and it sometimes hurts when I comb it out and it is just going to get unruly in a few hours anyway. #Truth

Third of all, she is a baby, she plays on the floor, she runs around she passes out in car seats.

Babies HAVE slightly “unruly” hair. What is WRONG with that? It’s not like Blue Ivy isn’t clean or is half dressed. She looks extremely healthy to me.  She’s 2 years old!!!

People have gotten under my skin with  the commentary on Blue Ivy Carter’s hair. Discontent that Baby Blue’s hair isn’t arranged in some sort of identifiable style has the internet ablaze. The idea of the child of Beyoncé and Jay-Z not being “presentable” is laughable at best. We’re talking about a two year old with more stamps on her passport than most adults. She has access to resources to have a great life, not to mention her grandmother was a hair dresser. Do we really think that the Carter’s aren’t taking care of their daughter’s hair, even if it’s not styled in the way we would like?

If we’re wondering why so many black women grow up to feel shitty about the way their hair grows out of their head, this is it. It starts as soon as you have a few wisps of hair to pull into a bow.  If we’re wondering why black girls like Tianna Parker are asked to leave school because of their hair style, this is it. If we are wondering why black women like Rhonda A. Lee are being fired from their jobs because of their hair, this is it. It starts here; with the policing of a two year old’s hair, and a demand that her mother fix it.

This is the manifestation of elitism fueled by a usual suspect: respectability politics. Looking “presentable” is synonymous with not looking too poor or too black. Despite the resources that Blue Ivy has at her disposal, we still find it neglectful that her parents haven’t put some barrettes in her hair? That is beyond dumb. Less than having healthy hair, we are more concerned with Blue Ivy’s display of those resources via a designated hairstyle.  This something that any two year old should have to be subjected to.

 

But her fashionable aunt Solange Knowles has been natural for quite some time, and not to mention Mama Tina was a hairstylist. You REALLY think they aren’t “doing” Blue Ivy’s hair. Maybe Beyonce’ saw breakage within her own hair, and decided she wasn’t going to put her child through that? “You knew better, you’d do better,” right?

It’s a very sobering reminder that black women are still our hair. How many women have hair permanently missing on the sides because their mother wanted to make sure that their hair was “fixed?” Pulling our edges so tight that those little white bumps come up? Why does our hair have to hurt us? Why the hell do we have to change our hair??…especially at 2.

Beyonce’ has her child taken care of, the problem is that there are little brown two year old girls who do not have anybody to speak up for them. By the time that they are 9 years old, their mother is putting box braids in their hair because “its easier” or “its in style.” Or maybe because the little girl’s hair is so damaged from abuse, pulling and tugging as a new born (to make it look like she has “good hair”) that she doesn’t have the hair that she was born with, never mind the hair that she SHOULD have. But y’all won’t catch that, huh?

When I go out or have to “look uniformed”, I keep it a little more tame, just because I know how “threatened” it can make other people feel, especially Black people. The bigger my hair is, the more people feel like my hair is going to make the room go black.

I think that she has a head full of healthy hair, and while she’s rocking a head full of hair in elementary, thousands of girls around the globe will be edgeless because their parents have 30 hair ties in their head before the age of 3.

Not to mention, this child has more stamps on her passport than everyone commenting about her. Instead of picking on a child, pick your lives up, and do something with yourselves. People act like Blue Ivy is going to get dolled up to meet Baby Sebastian (Wiz & Amber’s son) on the playground for a playdate. Get out of here with that. Also, it’s THEIR child. They will make sure that she is loved, and well taken care of. What about your kids? Are they still wearing the same shoes from last school year?

Blue Ivy might own some of the companies you work for, and you are worried about her having hair bows and hair ties? Priorities. That’s why Michael Jordan is still getting paid from selling the same shoes over and over again to black people. SMH

 

This is a happy, wealthy, and healthy family. The most you could do is talk about their 2 year olds hair? A freaking 2 year old? SMH #blackpeoplestaylosing

You “Angry Birds” need to leave this innocent baby alone.

Over the years, I have encountered several women who say they desire to go natural but they list reasons why they can’t. They say going natural is not possible for them because they believe their hair is way too nappy. (For the record, I HATE the word “nappy.”) The first time someone told me this, I was a bit confused since I believe going natural is all about embracing and accepting your hair for what it is, nappy or fine. I do realize some women go natural because to them, it’s a fad and they simply like the way natural hair looks but my hope is that all transitioners fall in love and embrace their natural hair by the end of the process.

An African American woman’s natural hair texture can come out in so many different ways considering our genetic pool is mixed with a variety of races. I believe all natural hair is beautiful whether it is super fine and silky curls or kinky coils. I encourage any woman who is going natural to transform her mind as well during the process. Pray that you accept what God has given you naturally. Going natural has given me an “its mine so I love it” kind of attitude. No ones hair is too kinky to go natural. Go natural and embrace your naps or coils or kinks. Decide that you are going to love YOU no matter what.

Don’t let this be you! Many women are now suffering alopecia because of the constant abuse of their natural hair.

. There are women who are obsessed with curl definition and become upset when they realize that there is no product or technique to convert their cotton into curls. There are women who have been devastated and gone back to relaxers or heat training their hair after cutting their relaxed ends released kinks from their scalps. There are women who are natural but who cover their hair with weaves because they feel like their texture is something to be reviled instead of revered. That is a level of deep self loathing that has been passed on from generation to generation. It’s one thing to prefer to wear your hair straight, but it’s another issue all together when you feel that only way you CAN wear your hair is straight. Do you see the difference?